Greetings
Having just returned from a well deserved holiday, I was privileged to watch a program which was conducted by CNN called Black in America. The program which really struck me, was being a black male in America, and about absentee fathers. The statistic in the USA is that 60% of black children are born without a father within the home. so it got me thinking, namely why are there such a lack of fathers in the home, and what is the secret of being a great father.
I'll deal with my second point first, as that answer came to me first. I believe the secret can be summed up in two words. Be there.
Be where you ask? There, where ever your child is, be at home and ask them about how their day was, be there for their parents evening, be there for their sports game, be there at the dinner table, if you don't live with your children, be there on the phone, everyday keeping track of them. Just be there, it's not that hard, most mothers seem to do it, and mine seemed to annoy the heck out of me when she was doing it, but she was there.
Now to deal with the first question, why is there lack of fathers? To be honest, I don't have all the answers. But from what I understand of the situation, I think it boils down to a fear of responsibility and selfishness. You see from what I understand, as I don't have a child yet, when that child comes into your life, your wants are secondary to their needs, and please be attentive to what I just wrote. Your WANTS becomes secondary to their NEEDS. So quite honestly I don't think a lot of guys are ready for that. It will interfere with buying the latest trainer, or blazing, or simply doing what the hell they want with their money when they want to.
Some people could say it's generational curse which has passed down the bloodline from the father's to their sons. This could be true, but as a young man, who has been through not having a father their all the time, what happened to me, will never happen to my children, ever, and so I would think other guys would want it the same way for their children. However we must remember, that not having a dad around means we don't know how to behave as fathers, and who ever took the replacement of the father figure, that's what we're gonna think as to how a father should be.
I like to highlight a problem, but I prefer solutions. So what can be done? The first thing that needs to be done is for the future fathers to understand what it means to be a father. How do we do that, well those of you who live with your father try and learn his good qualities on how to be a father, and be grateful he's around, if you don't have a father in the home,you can take examples from the bible, but what if you don't read the bible? Ok take an example from some one who is a good father. But what if you don't have that example? Ok take an example of a good teacher, because a good father is a good teacher. The examples are out there you just have to be willing to look. Once you understand what means to be a father, practise behaving like one towards younger siblings, cousins and even your mother, by doing certain things that they would appreciate. Try to teach and guide them away from your past mistakes.
For those who are already fathers, all I can say as a son, is accept what you have done and be there. Try be there little by little, but show interest, kids are not stupid, and they will remember things, that you won't. But be there.
I'm Out.
Blessings
Having just returned from a well deserved holiday, I was privileged to watch a program which was conducted by CNN called Black in America. The program which really struck me, was being a black male in America, and about absentee fathers. The statistic in the USA is that 60% of black children are born without a father within the home. so it got me thinking, namely why are there such a lack of fathers in the home, and what is the secret of being a great father.
I'll deal with my second point first, as that answer came to me first. I believe the secret can be summed up in two words. Be there.
Be where you ask? There, where ever your child is, be at home and ask them about how their day was, be there for their parents evening, be there for their sports game, be there at the dinner table, if you don't live with your children, be there on the phone, everyday keeping track of them. Just be there, it's not that hard, most mothers seem to do it, and mine seemed to annoy the heck out of me when she was doing it, but she was there.
Now to deal with the first question, why is there lack of fathers? To be honest, I don't have all the answers. But from what I understand of the situation, I think it boils down to a fear of responsibility and selfishness. You see from what I understand, as I don't have a child yet, when that child comes into your life, your wants are secondary to their needs, and please be attentive to what I just wrote. Your WANTS becomes secondary to their NEEDS. So quite honestly I don't think a lot of guys are ready for that. It will interfere with buying the latest trainer, or blazing, or simply doing what the hell they want with their money when they want to.
Some people could say it's generational curse which has passed down the bloodline from the father's to their sons. This could be true, but as a young man, who has been through not having a father their all the time, what happened to me, will never happen to my children, ever, and so I would think other guys would want it the same way for their children. However we must remember, that not having a dad around means we don't know how to behave as fathers, and who ever took the replacement of the father figure, that's what we're gonna think as to how a father should be.
I like to highlight a problem, but I prefer solutions. So what can be done? The first thing that needs to be done is for the future fathers to understand what it means to be a father. How do we do that, well those of you who live with your father try and learn his good qualities on how to be a father, and be grateful he's around, if you don't have a father in the home,you can take examples from the bible, but what if you don't read the bible? Ok take an example from some one who is a good father. But what if you don't have that example? Ok take an example of a good teacher, because a good father is a good teacher. The examples are out there you just have to be willing to look. Once you understand what means to be a father, practise behaving like one towards younger siblings, cousins and even your mother, by doing certain things that they would appreciate. Try to teach and guide them away from your past mistakes.
For those who are already fathers, all I can say as a son, is accept what you have done and be there. Try be there little by little, but show interest, kids are not stupid, and they will remember things, that you won't. But be there.
I'm Out.
Blessings
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